Friday, August 25, 2006

I'm fat because I'm stressed!

When did it become the norm for people to blame their screw-ups on everyone but themselves? Worse yet, when did everyone decide this behavior was acceptable? Every night when I sit down to enjoy an episode of The Nature of Things (who the hell am I kidding? You all know I’m only watching The Simpsons and every sitcom I can find), I see a commercial for the latest wonder-drug, Relacore . Now there have been weight-loss pills on the market for years, but never before have I seen one of these companies try to delude women into thinking that they’re overweight because they’re stressed! Just about every woman over the age of 18 already blames everything on stress, from the hair in her shower drain, to the bad productivity reports at work. It drives me insane! Now every blimp I have the misfortune to strike up a conversation with will be saying, “Things have been so stressful lately, it’s no wonder I packed on ten pounds this month!” Of course that’s what it is, it couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that you’ve been surviving on whatever greasy crap you can get people to deliver in 30 minutes or less!

I have probably just succeeded in alienating 75% of my readership because of that blimp comment, but it’s really hard to give a flying fuck when I consider the fact that most of these people play the part of the victim as skillfully as Beethoven plays the piano. Besides, I’m a blimp too. You don’t see me blaming my blubber on a glandular problem or whatever other bullshit people come up with. There may be some level of truth to these claims, but 98% of the time, medical conditions are nothing more than a contributing factor. A small contributing factor. The main reason blimps are blimps is because we wolf down the fatty poison corporate jack offs pass off as food like pigs in a trough.


What annoys me the most are these people who whine about being fat, but don’t do anything about it. It’s as if they just expect to miraculously lose weight overnight. Oftentimes these are the same kind of people who think the world owes them something, so they shouldn’t have to do anything they don’t want to. Like work for instance.


I suppose I’ve rambled on long enough, this post gets more obnoxious with every word. The bottom line is this: If you’re unhappy with yourself, get off your plus-sized ass and do something about it! Cut back on the fatty crap, and get on the treadmill! If you’re comfortable the way you are, then I applaud you. Live the way you want, just be prepared to deal with the consequences if the way you live happens to be really unhealthy.

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