'Till death do us part...

...what's the point if you're both miserable?

There are times when I will be sitting in my favourite chair at Starbucks watching the patrons come in and out, and I will spot an old couple whispering to each other softly over a shared muffin and tall lattes. Through the years of adversity, they persevered and came out of it not hating each other. These couples always make me smile. There are far too few of them.

More often, I see middle-aged couples screaming at each other, any tenderness and affection they felt long gone, replaced by a seething resentment for years wasted and opportunities lost. Sometimes they stay together "for the kids." Sometimes they only stay together because they're both too stubborn to "admit defeat." Sometimes it's a combination of the two, or in some cases bizarre, perverse reasons incomprehensible to anyone who hasn't known the joys of marital bliss.

I have a pair of relatives who fit into that category. My aunt is married to a man who barely qualifies as a human. He spends his days rooted to a broken easy chair while his 600 pound ass continues to expand and his limbs slowly rot from lack of use. This man has made the past 37 years of her life a living hell. The woman says on a regular basis that she hates his guts, and that he drives her crazy. When asked why she has stayed with him, she doesn't even give a straight answer. Maybe years of being a victim has left her believing that if she doesn't have a sad excuse for a husband to complain about, she'll lose what few family ties she has left. Maybe she just feels an obligation to stay with that horse's ass. God knows the man wouldn't survive long without her there. The dumb fucker can't even stand without help. The thing is, my aunt is not a bad woman. She doesn't deserve to spend whatever time she has left stuck with that sentient tumor draining whatever self respect she has left. Life is too short to spend it in misery.

I've seen far less extreme instances where people have ended up just as miserable. Parents who stay together for the sake of their children don't give their kids enough credit. Kids know when their parents are fighting. It doesn't take a lot of cognitive ability to figure out the fact that a pair of people can't stand eachother. Just because you can be civil doesn't mean your distain for your spouse isn't painfully obvious.

What people don't seem to realize is that no one wins in situations like this. My aunt's son is a fine example. 18 years of living with a mildly retarded lunatic and a woman too stubborn to leave him left the poor guy with more issues than National Geographic.

What really saddens me is the fact that by the time marital unions deteriorate so far that there is no love left, there often comes with it a sense of resentment and a desire to make one's partner miserable. When they finally admit it's time for divorce, they're already so mad at eachother that they choose to continue torturing each other through the divorce process rather than trying to make it as quick and painless as possible.

Why does this happen? Why do people choose to keep riding the masochistic marry-go-round that is an unhappy marriage when nothing good will come of it?

Life is short, people. Why make your lives unnecessarily miserable?